David Essel: the Living Proof that Darwin Was Mistaken

David Essell wrote : “I have just today been comparing two brands of crispbread, one Russian and one imported. The imported one costs 50% more for a packet than the Russian one of the same approximate volume. Only problem with the Russian one is that having got it home, I now notice it weighs at least 50% less (I’ve been ripped off on the actual content, which is mostly air). Everything in Russia is based on rip-off."

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Tell me, David, the "imported" brand - from where is it imported? Zanzibar? Rwanda? Because all major crispbreads imported from Europe, Scandinavia in particular, sell both the regular and the aerated versions. Take, for example, the most famous brand - Swedish Wasa. Amazon sells both the regular Wasa Crispbread Multi Grain version:


Wasa Crispbread, Multi Grain
9.7-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 12)
Price: $24.37 ($0.21 / oz)

and the aerated (airy) Wasa Crisp ‘n Light 7 Grain version:


Wasa Crisp ‘n Light 7 Grain
4.9-Ounce Boxes
Price: $24.37 ($0.50 / oz)

Notice that both come in packages of identical size and cost the same per package, but the Wasa Crisp ‘n Light weighs half as much and thus costs twice as much per ounce as the regular Wasa Crispbread.

As you can see, in Sweden, Russia and the rest of Europe, regular crispbreads are dense, while gourmet and diet ones are aerated (airy) on purpose. To evolved people, aerated crispbreads and many other foods are a delicacy:

Aerated foods (and drinks) represent the best and most luxurious that the chef or food manufacturer can provide, inspiring praise in the dining room and repeat sales at the retailer... bread, ... wafers, vol au vents, crackers, crumpets, crispbreads, pancakes, puff pastry... muffins, aerated chocolate bars, honeycomb, meringues.. – the list is, if not endless, certainly extensive!

Since you didn't appreciated aerated crispbreads, let me share with you a little trick that my mother taught me when I was 4 years old. If you are buying a product in a store (any product!) and you have no capability to determine how heavily this product weighs in your hand, you can look up its weight on the package label. I am not kidding you! Humankind has been putting weights on food package labels for centuries! Now you know it too. What else can I teach you? How to tie your shoes?

“...Only problem with the Russian one is that having got it home, I now notice it weighs at least 50% less..."

Tell me: does the label on this Russian aerated crispbreads package falsely claim a heavier weight than it actually is, or does the label tell the truth, but you were too dumb to realize that this was a puffed product and was of low density?

"...The imported one costs 50% more for a packet of the same approximate volume..."

Didn't even THAT alert to to the fact that the Russian breads could be less dense? What were you thinking? That you were getting a bargain? Did you think you were taking an advantage of the gullible Russians who were charging too little?

"I’ve been ripped off on the actual content... "

No, you weren't. They sold less bread by weight, but they also charged less. The only problem here is that you don't read labels and can't estimate weights of things by holding them in your hand.

"...which is mostly air..."

That's the whole purpose of aerated products: the luxurious feeling of the air inside!

So, let's summarize. You came across a package of “imported” regular crispbreads and a package of Russian aerated crispbreads. Being an ignoramus, you are not aware of the concept of aerated foods. Being also an idiot, you don't know how to read labels. All you saw was that the Russian product was cheaper and you grabbed it. And now you blame Russians.

"... while quality-wise the imported item is made of best rye flour... "

How can you know that this rye flour is the best? Did you inspect the mill where it's produced? Given your ignorance and incompetence, I don't think that you would be able to distinguish a trough full of bread made from the best rye flour from a trough full of bread made from the worst rye flour.

"...and the Russian one is a nasty mix of air and biscuit."

OK, OK, we got it already: not being a connoisseur, you don't like aerated foods, and you blame Russians for your inability to realize that you were buying aerated crispbreads.

BTW, newsflash for you: biscuit is made from rye/wheat flour.

"On the other hand, those same people have plenty of lazy greed. "

No, as demonstrated above, it is you who is both greedy and lazy.

Russians are especially fond of airy products, especially the so-called “porous (aka aerated) chocolates” like “Slava” which became a hit in the USSR back in the 1950s or 1960s. They are described in the Russian Wikipedia. Translation:

Aerated chocolate is produced from liquid chocolate, which is poured into molds to ¾ volume, placed in a vacuum pots and kept in liquid state (at 40 ° C) for 4 hours. In vacuum, due to the expansion of air bubbles, a porous structure of the tiles is formed.

Thanks, David, for brightening my day. Your hilarious comments on crispbreads are a classic example of cluelessness that I will treasure for weeks. No wonder you get your inspiration from La Russophobe:

David Essel wrote: "I say: Fortunately for me, I refuel at La Russophobe and run on quality gas and air. Get better mileage that way (and the gauges are properly calibrated)."

Are you the same Rev. David Essel who is prominently displayed by Google when searched for? You describe yourself as "For over 25 years, Rev. David Essel, Master Inspirational Coach, Motivational Speaker, Author, Adjunct Professor and Radio/TV Host has been inspiring and empowering people to take charge of their lives. David can help you, too, create an exceptional life by tapping into the power of your mind - body - spirit connection....”".

I can see that you are very good at monetizing and profiting from your "motivations" to your clients, dear Reverend, through such materials as "God Speaks Through the Heart of A Young Monk $15.00 ( FREE S/H within Continental U.S.A. )" and "The Fastest Way To Get Everything You Want $15.00". My neighbour tried to become a motivational speaker like yourself. He bought a certificate that he was a "Reverend", just like you did, and also started to sell books and tapes and videos. But, unlike yours, his racket went nowhere.

So, La Russophobe is your idol, eh? Since you call yourself a "Reverend", I assume that she is not your only idol. Jesus and money (not necessarily in this order) are your other idols. Could you remind me what the Ten Commandments say? "I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself other idols. You shall not bow down to them or worship them".

I also have this question for you. You wrote: "crispbread, one Russian and one imported." So, the Russian crispbread is "domestic" to you? Does that mean that you live in Russia? Is it Moscow?

Here are more images of an aerated chocolate bars: